19: A Love Letter to Betrayers – More on Anger

Here is the reality, dig down a bit, and beneath all Painter’s cuntishness is pain. I know it isn’t personal, except where I make it so.

10: A Love Letter to the Betrayers: The Holidays and Anxiety

Which makes the holidays even more difficult. Lots of sugar, high expectations, inherent drama, social demands, and poor sleep combine to fueling exhaustion. For me exhaustion is Anxiety’s crack, one feeding the other. The holiday’s are the dealer.

52: My Anxious Bladder

I hate admitting anxiety is an issue. “Anxiety is for women. Real men don’t get anxious,” my Pride tells me.

Thoughts on Pema Chödrön’s Curious about Existence

There was a great deal of beautiful qualities in my relationship with my ex…but she is not the flower. She is not the reason it was beautiful. She is not the blossom or the tree. Our life was beautiful and it bloomed because that was the season and we both contributed to the season..

Our life together blossomed because it was our choice. Now it’s time for a different choice.

Thoughts on The Six Kinds of Loneliness by Pema Chödrön

As we all do who are angry, hurt, shame-filled and unskillful, “we automatically want to cover over the pain in one way or another,” adds Chödrön, “identifying with victory or victimhood.” I reality I have at times alternated between both rolls in an attempt to avoid what seems like desperate, despair-inducing loneliness. I can not blame C for K for that. I am very clear it is my lack of emotional skill, experience, and training.

Thoughts on The Six Kinds of Loneliness by Pema Chödrön

In the wake of this experience, the loneliness backfills the vacuum of empty space where life resided.

Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Moving Closer (Part 5)

If I love you too often I’m conflict avoidant. An uncomfortable pattern with family relationships and romantic relationships.

There are reasons for that right?

26: Thoughts on Triggers

Here is the thing: if I want to be less trigger-happy (triggery? triggered?) I need to deal with my shit. Me. No one else.

Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Winners and Losers (Part 4)

Long before I have a conflict with others I have conflict within myself. Who wins? Who loses?

I create my own reality and therefore I’ve created the conflict.

Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Lawyer Mode (Part 3)

I see in the situation of infidelity, there will never be agreement about my intentions, motivations, or reasonableness but Buck is challenging us to discover what we can “create together.” To focus on the solution and not “fall into countless volleys of ‘you said…I said’ back and forth.” This unskillful approach “usually increases tension and decreases connection.”