36: A Bit of This and That

Just as “…but I love you” isn’t a get out of jail free card following betrayal, “…but you cheated” isn’t either. In both cases it is a deflection from the things that matter.

Thoughts on Pema Chödrön’s Curious about Existence

There was a great deal of beautiful qualities in my relationship with my ex…but she is not the flower. She is not the reason it was beautiful. She is not the blossom or the tree. Our life was beautiful and it bloomed because that was the season and we both contributed to the season..

Our life together blossomed because it was our choice. Now it’s time for a different choice.

35: Say Something

I feel like I am finally closing the door on this experience and moving forward. The conversation reminded me again, like my marriage to K and my relationship with C, I am more than the sum of my betrayal.

34: The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

Thoughts on Therapist Uncensored’s Brain Science 101

Their podcast helps me understand my responses, and therefore, the responses of the people around me. If I can see myself more clearly I can see those around me more clearly too.

33: Lies and Anger

In those moments when my Anger and Pride conspire to make up stories no amount of Truth will be heard. These stories, once accepted and internalized will blind me from any perspective other than my own. In this place I will always find things to confirm the bias of my angry pride.

32: Eeyore Visits Mordor

There is nothing simple that I have chosen to do. I think it is human to believe change is for the other person even when we know the solution lies within.

Thoughts on the Next Step to Health by Mark Nepo

The truly loving action is to listen and then tell them, ‘No.’ Changing something simply to make someone else feel better is the path to my lost integrity and shattering of my character.

Thoughts on The Six Kinds of Loneliness by Pema Chödrön

As we all do who are angry, hurt, shame-filled and unskillful, “we automatically want to cover over the pain in one way or another,” adds Chödrön, “identifying with victory or victimhood.” I reality I have at times alternated between both rolls in an attempt to avoid what seems like desperate, despair-inducing loneliness. I can not blame C for K for that. I am very clear it is my lack of emotional skill, experience, and training.

31: Drive by Shaming

Every time I hear one person tell another some variation of, “Staying in your partnership and trying to transform the conflict means you’re weak, a chump, abused, suffering from Stockholm syndrome, and your past history was just one big lie,” I think, “Wow! Who’s gaslighting who here?!”

Seriously?! How do you know?