03: Stories of Passive-Aggressive Behavior

I grew up in a passive-aggressiveness home.

02: Auditing My Life

Regardless of how you experience the intention and impact of infidelity, we all are manipulated by the stories, expectations, promises, ideals, traumas, and fears we bring to the experience. We are the fictional Everyman seeking to protect the imagined safety of the stories, even as the stories eat up our lives.

01: The Comfort Zone

People remain stuck in the tidal flow between the Comfort zone and the Fear Zone. As we fight the riptide we exhaust ourselves frenziedly fighting to push the pulls of the tide. Growth required embracing uncertainty and risking it all to swim across the tides instead of fighting them.

71: Now What?

I did what I did. Beatrix did what she did. Painter did what she did. Pretty monkeys are gonna fly. We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are ― Anaïs Nin There isn’t much to add at this point. We each have our own reasons, stories, and imaginings about the […]

70: Playing With Fire

When I made a decision to have an affair with my ex-wife Beatrix, it lasted a very short period of time. From what I can tell maybe 4 months out of the seven years I was with Painter. Four to six sexual encounters. Four to six too many. However, I spent the next two and […]

69: Thinking of You

Pain is not the enemy but the light over the path to growth. Despite the chaos, I am grateful to Painter for opening the door to this life and this experience. I continue to love her from afar and want the best for her.

68: Relationship Geology

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You […]

67: Sorrow and Grief

The willingness to truly see Painter as who she is means seeing myself as I am in that pattern. And to see this truth is to live with remorse and regret, and experience sorrowful grief.

66: Stories of Stories

I say this knowing just as Painter or Beatrice are not responsible for my betrayal, lies, and secrets, I am not responsible for theirs. At the end of the day how each of us reacts or responds to others is about our relationship to our emotional selves. Essentially, the ways in which we rigidly grasp our stories, imaginings, and entitlements define how we react or respond to the world around us. It defines everything from our suffering to our joys.

65: Stories of Scapegoats

I recognize all change is internal growth externalized. If I want a different relationship with others, it is my burden to show up differently and be there for them when they are ready.