06: Distancers and the Silent Treatment (Part 1)

As I recently was reminded, we sometimes have to re-experience the pattern to know we’re outgrowing it…

02: Auditing My Life

Regardless of how you experience the intention and impact of infidelity, we all are manipulated by the stories, expectations, promises, ideals, traumas, and fears we bring to the experience. We are the fictional Everyman seeking to protect the imagined safety of the stories, even as the stories eat up our lives.

71: Now What?

I did what I did. Beatrix did what she did. Painter did what she did. Pretty monkeys are gonna fly. We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are ― Anaïs Nin There isn’t much to add at this point. We each have our own reasons, stories, and imaginings about the […]

61: Relational Blackjack

I was never confused about Painter’s decision to end the relationship. Although I was hurt and sad, I was never confused. I understood.

59: Thoughts on Kindness and Toxicity

Painter is unsafe and dangerous for me because I struggle to see her for what she does. I sometimes forget how skillful — and willing — she is at getting other people to carry her water.

46: Stories of Safety

Nothing I do or say will create a sense of safety for people avoiding their own traumas. I cannot love someone enough to heal the wounds they are trying to avoid.

38: Courting Answers

Monday, I return to court for the final act. Well, at least I intend it to be the final act.

34: Trauma Stories

Everyone, and I mean everyone, will disconnect from their thinking brain when the pain exceeds their ability to cope. The only difference is what overwhelms me won’t always overwhelm you.

33: Kittens in Boxes

I’ve come to recognize through mediation, writing, friendships, and therapy, we all have a box of our own making. A box we all willing climbed in. My box was my infidelity, secret-keeping, and the escalating series of lies.

21: A Love Letter to Betrayers – Discomfort (Part 1)

When I spend resources trying to avoid the painful moment I am imagining, I will never know how to respond to the actual experience. Everything becomes a story about a fix to a broken fix to another useless hole. These responses to my discomfort only create a new narrative of pain for myself and others. I avoid living in an impermanent moment out of fear.