01: The Gun and the Garden: Reclaiming the Definition of Love

“Love and abuse cannot coexist.” — bell hooks

Lessons From a Black Friday: Year Six

In loving Painter, I had to let go of everything I thought I knew. I had to embrace the annihilation. That was seven years ago today. Contrary to reports, I’m not dead yet.

08: The Virtuous Lie

I used to own a T-shirt that read, “I’m sorry I’m late; I didn’t want to be here.” The shirt’s message is more honest than I am comfortable admitting.

07: Some Thoughts on Lying

This essay and Rich’s quotes are uncomfortable truths reminding me of the impact on people that trusted me and loved me and that I trusted and loved.

Lessons From a Black Friday: Year Five

I think given the opportunity to sit and have a conversation like emotionally secure functioning adults I would say the following: We were together and I love you. I will always cherish our moment together. I forgive the rest but won’t forget it either.

04: Tilting at Windmills

Infidelity is an unskillful coping mechanism. Any other story is built on the lie of wounded egos.

02: Auditing My Life

Regardless of how you experience the intention and impact of infidelity, we all are manipulated by the stories, expectations, promises, ideals, traumas, and fears we bring to the experience. We are the fictional Everyman seeking to protect the imagined safety of the stories, even as the stories eat up our lives.

01: The Comfort Zone

People remain stuck in the tidal flow between the Comfort zone and the Fear Zone. As we fight the riptide we exhaust ourselves frenziedly fighting to push the pulls of the tide. Growth required embracing uncertainty and risking it all to swim across the tides instead of fighting them.

71: Now What?

I did what I did. Beatrix did what she did. Painter did what she did. Pretty monkeys are gonna fly. We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are ― Anaïs Nin There isn’t much to add at this point. We each have our own reasons, stories, and imaginings about the […]

70: Playing With Fire

When I made a decision to have an affair with my ex-wife Beatrix, it lasted a very short period of time. From what I can tell maybe 4 months out of the seven years I was with Painter. Four to six sexual encounters. Four to six too many. However, I spent the next two and […]