68: Relationship Geology

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You […]

67: Sorrow and Grief

The willingness to truly see Painter as who she is means seeing myself as I am in that pattern. And to see this truth is to live with remorse and regret, and experience sorrowful grief.

62: Stories of Invisible Loyalties

I have allowed invisible loyalties to interfere in my well-being. I have taken life-altering actions on more than one occasion because I allowed invisible loyalties to hijack my decision-making process.

46: Stories of Safety

Nothing I do or say will create a sense of safety for people avoiding their own traumas. I cannot love someone enough to heal the wounds they are trying to avoid.

45: Pursuers and Distancers

There are moments I’m often confused and bored by the stability in my relationship with Chef. I mean, if I’m not responsible for constantly attending to her ego and entitlement while driving connection, what am I suppose to do with all my free time?

44: Sunflowers

How we got here doesn’t have to define where we go. Living that truth is all that is required to break the patterns.

08: This and That

Infidelity wasn’t even the real conflict in my marriage or my relationship with my X or in my life. As someone on the Facebook Esther Perel Discussion Group recently wrote, “The affair is not something you do, it’s a place you go.”

06: Promises and Prisons

I have no desire to be another’s jailer. I have no interest in being another’s prisoner.

46: The Silent Treatment

This is my pattern. I am committed to breaking the pattern.

Thoughts on Anita Pavlovic’s Exist in the Moment

The body reacts to sexual arousal and the flu in similar ways. As such, if I don’t stop long enough to greet my emotional and physical sensations with curiosity, I will get fucked twice.