As we all do who are angry, hurt, shame-filled and unskillful, "we automatically want to cover over the pain in one way or another," adds Chödrön, "identifying with victory or victimhood." I reality I have at times alternated between both rolls in an attempt to avoid what seems like desperate, despair-inducing loneliness. I can not blame C for K for that. I am very clear it is my lack of emotional skill, experience, and training.
126: Grrr... The pain will never go away. I will only find perspective for the pain. It is a part of me now. To hate the pain is to hate myself; to love myself is to love my pain.