I see in the situation of infidelity, there will never be agreement about my intentions, motivations, or reasonableness but Buck is challenging us to discover what we can “create together.” To focus on the solution and not “fall into countless volleys of ‘you said…I said’ back and forth.” This unskillful approach “usually increases tension and decreases connection.”Read More Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Lawyer Mode (Part 3)
Intentions don’t matter when u r bleeding out emotionally. There is no room for nuance when performing emotional triage on your identity and life.Read More Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Intentions, Not Excuses (Part 2)
There was little room to learn how to express feelings, needs, and wants in a way that is vulnerable when it is met with derision, contempt, competing interests, and sarcasm. So I don’t think I was afraid of vulnerability as much as having a definition that equated it with weakness resulting in abuse.Read More 25: Of Apples and Badassery
As I read and begun to have an understanding of Brown’s intentions, I started to recognize how foreign these concepts are to my life…and why.
Like pain, I have to learn how to make conflict my friend.Read More Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: The Pattern (Part 1)
I acted in ways involving plenty of shitheadery but it pales in comparison to the shit our imaginations make up to keep us locked in fear in an attempt to keep us safe.Read More 20: A Letter from the Good Doctor
When I saw Esther Perel’s continuum summarizing a Relationship Accountability Spectrum, I was like, “Holy FUCK! Ghosting?! That is exactly what has happened over the last year! That is what she did! That is how I feel and behave! I’m not crazy or irrational!”Read More Thoughts on Ghosting by Esther Perel
My vow was simple: I’ll take any slings and arrows. I promise I’ll be there. We are partners and I’ll always share everything I have with you. I’ll protect you and keep you safe.
My vow came with a white horse and silver bullets for every problem.Read More 17: Broken Promises
Oops! Wait! Let me take off my rose-colored glasses.Read More Thoughts on Unfounded Loyalty and Post #13: I’m Proud of ©
You either own your fear and anger or your fear and anger own you. – Sean Kinney
I’m immensely proud of C. Not that it matters but I am going to explain anyway.Read More 13: I’m Proud of ©
I know his morning I will need to take the gloves off if I want to break the Pattern that brought me here. I will have to embrace the role of Villain if I want to be free.
And that scares me.Read More 12: Today’s Court Hearing