It is impossible for people that never walked in our shoes to know what is true about our behaviors, why we did what we did, or what it means. I barely understand and others certainly never will.Read More 05: A Love Letter to the Betrayers – Labels and Abuse
Here is the thing: if I want to be less trigger-happy (triggery? triggered?) I need to deal with my shit. Me. No one else.Read More 26: Thoughts on Triggers
The moment I awoke to the reality that © doesn’t care about me, our life, or our future, I am free. I am free to go dancing. I am free to walk into any place and order a beer. Free to ask a friend that loves me, accepts my Ugly, and hasn’t run, to dance with me.Read More 153.03: The Pattern (Part 3)
Labeling someone a slut – or a narcissist, predator, or whore – isn’t rape, but the emotional intentions are the same. It’s about taking someone’s Power.Read More 138: Slut
134.01: The Silent Treatment (1 of 2)
Silence for the first time makes complete sense.
I’m such a selfish, self-absorbed, blind, deaf, and dumb prick.Read More 134: The Silent Treatment
108: Never Not Broken
The weight of all of these losses and feelings finally broke me this week. I feel nothing but sadness, loneliness, despair, and emptiness today.
I have nothing to offer anyone. Not even myself. I’m hollow now.Read More 108: Never Not Broken
Yesterday morning I woke up to find a comment by the troll Warren about me on a friend’s blog.
What happened next was both fascinating, amazing, and a bit terrifying.
Dolly is definitely the Queen.Read More 59: Thoughts on Thanks for Stopping by: A Letter to an Interloper by Dolly Allen
On a shallow level, I believe C is ending the relationship because of my infidelity and secrets. However, at my core? At my core, I believe C is ending the relationship because I am not worthy of being loved.
That is an emotionally messed up way of interacting with the people that love you.Read More 35.1: No More Mixed Messages: I Love You, Go Away (Part I)
Ruminations are the shallowest of thoughts. There is nothing insightful found in blaming, anger, and resentment. They lead to nothing but bitterness and cynicism. Power and self-respect are not found there.Read More 25: Mixed Messages