"Be not the slave of your own past – plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall explain and overlook the old." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Since this began I’ve made two commitments to myself. First of all, no more secrets. Secondly, I’d respect C’s personal space. This past weekend I broke the latter commitment and as a result created a secret.
I need to stop letting my guilt limit my choices and actions. I need to stop seeing C’s acts of jealousy, anger, and revenge as simply a consequence of my infidelity but a choice she is making about how to punish me because of her feelings of jealousy, anger, revenge, and pain.
We color both the innocuous actions and the intent of the betrayal in hyperbolic terms, covered in dashes of the conspiratory and the menacing. Every action must have hidden ill-will. Every act must be a reflection of a deeper darkness.