35: Say Something
My Good Doctor and I had a great conversation today about my current mindset.
Essentially, how I feel like I am finally crossing the bridge on this experience and moving forward with new power, self-respect, and integrity. The conversation reminded me again, like my marriage to K and my relationship with C, I am more than the sum of my betrayal. I know who I am. I know what I did.
I know these things because I’m doing the work.
“Sean, your shame created a great emotional and financial inequity in your relationships with these women,” my doctor reminds me. “Just because they are neither the solution or the problem,” she adds, “doesn’t mean they don’t have problems.”
She also had me watch this video as a reminder that I get to decide what I am going to do next and when. No one else can decide when we are done grieving or what we grieve.
Despite all the nonsense people espouse about the nature of men and women that cheat, they actually have no clue and often lack the maturity to see relationship as it is and the willingness to own what is true about the Patterns they also have benefited from.
Say Something
Songwriters: Chad Vaccarino / Ian Axel / Mike Campbell
Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on youAnd I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at allAnd I will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawlSay something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere, I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on youAnd I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbyeSay something, I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
And anywhere, I would have followed you
Oh, oh, oh, oh say something, I’m giving up on youSay something, I’m giving up on you
Say something
Good for you! It must feel terrific to have that sense of moving on after all of the work you’ve done. I’m guessing it feels very freeing. 🙂
Thanks BA. Men and women like you are teaching me so much. I’m eternally grateful to you.
I’m headed back to Wisconsin the end of the month but let’s meet up again in June.
I love this song, it says so much: you have feelings for someone but you closing down, and what makes it so sad is that we feel that all those feelings are wasted. I had started to shut down when Rich was gone, and if he had not contacted me when he did, even left it another week, I would not have had him back. The same as when I gave him the ultimatum on the night he returned if he had not came back that night I wouldn’t have had him back. I am just about to post about fear, can I include this in a link?
Made me cry, ever the empath!
Moisy
Of course. I’d be honored.
Thank you, have put it in for tomorrows post: it’s about the thread of fear. Moisy ❤️
I really am moving on and I know I’ve done everything I can do with the information I have.
However, one thing I have realized, and I say this without irony, she lost too.
Yes she did, so much. ❤️
Doesn’t mean we should have reconciled…but after seven years not one conversation. Not one?
The entitlement to keep the thing I brought to the relationship? Things we purchased together? Not one conversation.
No perspective 17 months later telling the same bullshit ghost stories?
Yeah. As I’ve said, her behaviors gave me one more gift to work through: resentments.
At least I’m working through it.
Funny, my doctor keeps asking me questions and pointing reminding me of all the good and loving acts I took while we were together and it makes me angry and then I realize I need to be angry.
Yes we do need anger at times as fuel to move forward. God I used that anger so many times, so so many times.
Sean sometimes we choose to ignore things & then when the shit hits the fan it is there & we can’t ignore it any more. Moisy ❤️