Month: October 2018

05: Karma

Wanders

I wish I hadn’t responded out of bitterness. I wish I had the maturity, at that moment, to sit and let the hurt happen without hurting someone else. I wish I had been able to see K as a person first, and not simply as a co-conspirator in my betrayal of C.

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Best of 2018’s Week 43

Wanders

From where I stand the primary issues in our relationship wasn’t codependency, enabling, echosim or some clickbait pathology. Those attitudes and approach to communication may have retarded the growth of our relationship and vulnerability but they were never the drivers for me. I still strongly hold to the view that the primary conflicts in our relationship were an issue of communication, not compatibility, motivations, or intentions. Lack of vulnerable communication created a decision-making patchwork defined by guesswork.

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04: Hurt People

Wanders

For a long time I’ve seen this as symbolic of where © and I are, but this morning, as I searched for an image to reflect where I am today, I realized this image I took is also symbolic of my relationship to Pain. 

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03: Healing

Wanders

Every time I say I cannot heal © out loud, a man or woman that was betrayed – or some opinionated outsider – cry foul: “You broke it,” they cry, “You fix it!”

To that I say: grow up.

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03: Healing

Wanders

Every time I say I cannot heal © out loud, a man or woman that was betrayed – or some opinionated outsider – cry foul: “You broke it,” they cry, “You fix it!”

To that I say: grow up.

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Update on Thoughts on Those Who’ve Fallen Through by Mark Nepo

Wanders

I’m actually in a better place now than I was before Monday’s physical and emotional collapse. I’m in a better place because I’m leaning into the pain. 

I know who I am.

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Thoughts on Those Who’ve Fallen Through by Mark Nepo via Pathwriter

Wanders

Let’s not bury the lead: I’ve been struggling the last 12 days with depression and yesterday morning I woke up actively contemplating suicide.

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01: A Fresh Start

Wanders

This is the first week in a very long time, where I am not overwhelmed with feelings of shame and humiliation. I did what I did. I cannot undue it. I cannot change any of it.

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