141: It’s not about me

Wanders
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Fall in Love

The mind secrets thoughts like the body secrets enzymes.

– Tara Brach

Reminders to self about her post: It’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me, and it’s not about me.

It’s not about me. Unless she tells me it’s about me.

It’s about her heart.

I miss her. Sometimes I would just sit in the living room and watch her paint. In those quiet moments, I loved her more than I knew was possible to love anyone. I know she has been struggling with creating. I hope this is the start of her uncorking her creative bottle.

It’s time.

Also, it’s time to change the oil.

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My life in symbolism.

 

7 thoughts on “141: It’s not about me”

  1. That car tho!! I love it

    Any chance of reconciliation? Or is it pretty much a done deal?

    I gather from your writings you cheated and she got too damaged and left? Unless I’m wrong. 🤔

    1. I cheated. I lied. I kept secrets.

      She asked me to leave. I left.

      I’ve done what I can. I’m doing what needs done. I’m working through my grieving. I’m being open and honest. I’m still bonded to her and Us. I’m working on minimizing change for the first year and grieving the death if this relationship without using people, places or things to avoid the pain.

      I wouldn’t take me back unless there was significant change…that relationship is dead. A lot of things worth replanting but we need a spring for that and we are still stuck in this winter…maybe indefinitely. I’m working on thawing my heart…and life.

      I miss her.

      I’m living. She’s living.

      No change than no chance.

      1. I understand what you mean. How long were you guys together? Sounds like years. And how long ago did she ask you to leave? I’m trying to work out the timeline in my head lol.

        I hope you can learn to move on and possibly seek another lover in the far future when you’re heeled and ready. ❤️ this relationship may be the end, doesn’t mean it’s the end of all tho.

      2. Seven years. 5 living together.

        I’m in no rush. I’ve tried dating. I failed. Too many ghosts in the bed and in my heart

        I’m just taking it one day at a time. I got this…whatever this actually is…

      3. The day after Thanksgiving, 10 months ago this week… Not that I’m counting or anything… But it’s kind of like a birth date at this point. Forever etched into my mind… One life ends another one is born. That’s how I’m trying to look at it.

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